not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
