Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize