My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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