I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize