insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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