i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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