Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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