its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
