My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
