Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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