Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
