Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
