I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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