I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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