exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
