Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
