I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
