I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
