i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
