I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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