I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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