Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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