There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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