i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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