ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
