I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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