i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
