I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
