I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
