He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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