We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
