dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
