I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
