tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
