I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
