I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You need a sexual gate keeper
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
