just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
