So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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