if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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