no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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