This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
