I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
