I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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