Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
