Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize