haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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