Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
