i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
