Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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