is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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