Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
