I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is wine microwaveable?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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