I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
