tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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